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Monday, December 8, 2008

Not Me! Monday (If Only I could Fit It All In)



I do not secretly live every day of the week desperately waiting for Monday. Thanks MckMama.

I did not tell my dinner co-chairmen last Sunday that they did not need to come over and help because it would only take me 30 minutes to pack all the supplies up to take to the dinner venue. I did not curse myself out later, when I was still packing boxes at 1 in the morning. It did not, in part, take me until 1 in the morning because I took a short adequate break to blog last weeks "Not Me! Monday".

I was not secretly hoping that the snow fall we had last Monday would ultimately cancel our Organizational dinner. I would never wish for something like that based on my own inadequacies when it would affect the "fundraising" aspect of the dinner. My feelings for the "fundraising" aspect of the dinner did not go to hell when I had to carry 12 boxes and eight bags down iced over stairs to load a mini van.

I did not secretly want to punch out the dinner attending parent, of the boy who bullied my precious So on the bus causing her to miss her stop which then left my babysitting parents two minutes shy of calling the police. I would never have gotten physical with a parent (when I could have just slashed his tire).

I was not angry at the caterer for not realizing on his own, that in as fancy as a venue that our organization chose, you do not serve soda out of two liter bottles poured into plastic cups. I did not secretly want to slash his tires as well.

I was not punished by G-d at the end of the night for my unholy tire slashing thoughts when my husbands tire shredded while rounding a corner. I did not consider for even one second, hitching a ride home with one of my co-chairmen while Hun waited 90 minutes in the cold, by himself for Triple A to arrive and change the inoperable tire. I did not change my mind and wait it out with him because AAA showed up in only five minutes I love my husband and would never leave him out in the cold by himself.

I was not completely shocked and taken aback at So's parent/teacher conference when her teacher told me So was "soft" spoken. I am not still wondering if she was not referring to someone else's child.

I did not make Hun drag my two year old in his stroller through our complex Saturday morning in two inches of freshly fallen snow, so I could get out of the house to Synagogue instead of staying home and going stir crazy. I did not laugh at Hun as he dragged the stroller backwards behind him and tell him he looked like an Eskimo carrying a papoose. I did not feel terribly bad for any of this after it just took me literally 23 minutes to bundle up three kids so we could trek six blocks in the snow. (No seriously, I did not feel bad, should I have?) I did not then walk So and Ro through snow on the sidewalk yelling "CAR" like a mad woman every forty seconds to Hun who was pushing the stroller in middle of the street.

I did not want to shoot myself in the head when I drove all the way to Nordstroms to get Ate a pair of boots and had to barter with him for ten minutes just to get him to remove his shoes. After all this, I did not make good use of my acting skills by pretending it was no big deal that Nords did not have one of the five water proof boots they just pointed out to me, in stock in his size. I did not consider calling Hun to let him know I would take Ate somewhere else to look for boots. No, I really did not consider making this phone call because I still had no working cell phone.

I did not pay ? amount of money on a new cell phone when it could be I only needed a fifty dollar battery for my old one. Why would I spend money just so I could have a more up to date phone with about 99 bells and whistles I am never going to use.

How could I accept "Not Me! Monday" in all it's MckMama glory without hearing from you, what it is you did not do this week.

2 have shown Orah a little love:

blueviolet said...

That's my kind of weekend! Thanks for the laughs.

adinab said...

I did not let my kids sit in front of the TV all afternoon so that I could have alone time in my room, and I did not then bake chocolate chip cookies with them out of guilt at having been a neglectful mother.