Friday, December 5, 2008

If I Had A Working Phone, Maybe I Would Hear Better

Last night, So had a total melt down. I am talking, count down to self-destruction, melt-down. I assumed she might be tired. Hun and I were out of the house 3 out of five nights this past week and she had not been going to sleep at a decent hour. And I had to wake her up every morning, when she is typically up between 6 and 6:30 on her own.

So is obviously not perfect, and she has her moments from time to time, but last night was different. She was screaming and crying incessantly. I am sure anyone within a five mile radius was able to hear her. She could not be reasoned with. I sent her to her room on two separate occasions, both times I had to drag her up the stairs. I tried to talk to her, but I don't think she could even hear me over her own shrieking. The second time I sent her up, she had her pajamas on, I put her in her bed and told her I could not go through our nightly routine of Shema/prayers and song with her, and I left her crying.

I wondered if this was an after effect to what occurred Monday night, while I was at my organizational dinner. Because it seems since then, she has not really been herself.

Monday, I left the house to the dinner venue at 3 PM. I left the two younger kids in the house with my Mom and Dad and they knew to expect So home from the bus sometime shortly after 4:30. It was a blessing that my cell phone was dead at this point, because if I had a phone, I would have had a heart attack and the dinner would certainly not have been pulled together.

Hun arrived at the dinner venue at 5:30 and began to fill me in on what had taken place. Well, apparently, So never made it home. I live in a complex of homes and the bust stops right at the entrance of the complex. There are a total of 10 or more kids ranging in ages from 12 - 4 who all walk into the complex together, so I am lucky in this regard, because I do not have to wait at the bus stop. We all leave our garage doors open (which my parents did) and the kids just come in through the garages.

However, it was 4:45 and my poor parents were wondering where So was. They called a neighbor who confirmed that her kids already made it home, which only made the situation more dire for my parents, and her kids claimed they didn't even see So on the bus altogether. They tried to call me, but alas, a broken cell phone does not get answered. They tried the school - no answer. They finally called Hun, as he was on his way to the venue, and Hun thought of calling a friend who lives at the next bus stop just across a park from me. She confirmed, So missed her stop and came over with her daughter at the next stop. She actually tried to call my house, but my parents didn't realize this. She also tried my cell phone, but, well you know. But the important thing was, So was safe. She was also fed a snack and had her homework done.

I was grateful that by the time I heard what had happened, So was safe and sound back at our house. The only question that remained, was why she missed her stop to begin with.

So told me later that a certain six year old boy was pulling her hat off and teasing her, and she missed her stop, while looking for her hat. BULLY!!! I can not believe my poor So was the victim of a bully. Of course, then I thought, maybe this boy actually likes her and that is why he bullies her. She accepted this theory, and seemed fine. But then last night...

After I put her in bed, she cried and screamed for another good fifteen minutes, but then it went quiet. And then I heard the footsteps coming down the steps. And walking through the kitchen, she made her way towards me and in the sweetest, softest voice said, "Mommy, can you please say Shema/prayers with me?"

I brought her over, and gave her a hug and told her, "I would love to say Shema with you, but I want to say Shema to the sweet So who is kind and speaks quietly and tells Mommy what is bothering her using words."

I asked her if she was okay, because this was out of character for her and she was not acting herself. And she responded with three more stories about kids bullying her or making her sad. I have to say, she is not the bully victim type. And I don't know how much of her story was blown out of proportion, but she obviously had a bad week. So I used the "they all really like you" excuse. When kids really want to be your friend, but they don't know how to get your attention in a positive way, they end up going about it in a negative way... blah blah blah. I think I should be a child - psychologist.

She bought this for now, and I hope next week is better for her. A bad week for our kids is a bad week for us. And we all know how much guilt a mother harbors. And because this all started when I was at the dinner, I feel terrible guilt. So I have decided to get a new phone after-all. Not because guilt leads to shopping (ok, maybe a little) But as much as I enjoyed not being constantly connected to my family these past couple of weeks, like a mini vacay, the point is, I need to be. These are my babies, and if I am not available to hear them, who is?

3 have shown Orah a little love:

Shosh said...

when i got a call from school that D needed stitches was when i stopped feeling guilty for never leaving the house without a cell phone.

Brie said...

I had a frightening experience similar to this the other day. My son was left in school as his regular ride forgot him and the school did not even bother to call my cell phone!(they called me at home but failed to leave a message) they have a tzaharon (after school program) so my son was just having the time of his life but I was furious that the school did not try harder to contact me and that no one picked up their phone at the school when I called a million times. We all have cell phones now! I did not even know where my son was- I was a frantic psycho of a mother and had to literally stalk the minahelet (no joke, I called the assistant teacher's cell phone who gave me the minahelet's cell number which i called and spoke to her daughter and I asked the daughter to walk over to the school to see if my son was there) to figure out what became of my baby. Frightening. so, from personal mom experience it is wayy better for your emotional well being that you did not know what happened to So as it was occuring.

Orah said...

I am sorry to hear that Brie. It is frustrating when we send our kids to school, thinking we are leaving them in capable hands, and they fail us in some way. Thank G-d he was ok and Thank G-d So was too. But even though all turned out well, our imagination gets the best of us, and we are still fearful of what could have been. It was good I didn't know what was going on, this particular day, but I can't imagine how my child feels when they are going through something, and Mommy can't be reached. I got a new phone, and I feel a bot better now.