Wednesday, March 9, 2011

I'm Really Trying To Be A Consistent Blogger , but.............

I miss blogging on a consistent basis. I also realize, based on my last few posts, that the "funny" has left me. I have no idea where it has gone. It probably went wherever my readers and commentators went. I realize that I actually had more consistent blogging with a newborn than I do with a toddler. As I am currently writing he is no doubt, dumping the smallest and crumbliest food items onto my floor. He may be placing random playing cards into the slots of the floor vents. He is removing condiments from the door of the fridge and giving them new locations throughout the house. (I kid you not, my 4 year old son found a CAN of bear buried under a couch cushion the other day.) He is dumping toys out of the bins so he can use the bin to climb up onto a stove to open a cabinet to get himself a lollipop. He is very self sufficient.

You ever hear those stories where some single mother keeled over and died and ten days later the body was found with a toddler sitting idly by?

I told Hun that if he went out of town and I was left with just Bam, and I suddenly keeled over, he need not worry.

And my Bam would not even need to depend on toilet water as his source of fluids. His advanced fine motor skills have him twisting open anything from apple juice to beer as I have recently learned. He also can easily choose to eat a chunk of cheese as is or cut slices of it with the sharpest knife he can find - I have learned this as well.

He will remove his dirty diapers on his own and will mark MANY territories over the house, but then he will get a broom, dust pan, towel, hand vac and other cleaning devices and go to town on his shmearing cleaning expertise.

He will probably, when bored, pick up the phone and dial Guam or the Philippines or El Salvador. He likes to chat with random people. he is very friendly that way. He does better with people from Spanish speaking countries as he would like to "count" to them in that preferred language.

He will also turn the "mookik" on for himself and invite some other babies over for dancing and ...... well, beer ....... (do NOT call DCFS on me).

He must know when he is dirty and unfresh based on all the times I found him sitting in the bathtub, sans water rubbing his aromatic lavender shampoo onto his dry hair and clothing. I mean, for a smart baby he should at least know to undress before he gets in that bathtub.

He does his own laundry!

Yes he does, I kid you not.

Someone should let him know, though, that the toilet does not work as well as a washing machine.

He also ......wait ..... my garage door just opened .... my car just started up ...... where's Bam?


Thursday, March 3, 2011

Parenting So...... So

Sometimes kids make it so easy when it comes to finding blog material. This one is in honor of So.

So and I had a discussion one day about parenting. She decided she was not enamored with my choice of parenting. Mostly she did not like the fact that after I had asked her something five times, and received no response ...... five times, I yelled at her.

Truth is, she has a point. I hate yelling. It hurts my throat.

So then said that she would NEVER yell or get ANGRY at her kids. I informed her that this was an excellent idea. I give her my full support. And then I asked her to put that in writing and give it to me.

"Why?" she asked.

"So G-d willing when you have kids, I can laugh at you."

And wouldn't you know it, So ran off and put it in writing ...... with some additional points.

Titled: House Plans

1) No tv, ds, dsi, ipod/touch or mp3

only wii

and computer only one hour each day...

Interesting, since I have so far not allowed any of my children to own any ipods, mp3 players or gaming devices and additionally we do NOT own a wii. However, I do allow one hour of TV a day and educational computer play and interaction from time to time so long as I am aware of what they are watching or "computing".

2) love your siblings as wanted to be loved

Very good So. Nice demand. If only we could enforce this law. I do think my kids are actually pretty nice to one another, but they have their moments - including So.

3) No physical contact

Again, would love to see her practice what she plans on preaching, but good point.

4) No insults.

See my above comments an apply to rule number 4.

I will not yell at children.
3 trips a year.
Sunday = Fun day.
Live in California.

Disneyland once a year.
Oh So - this one is so lame. If you live in California you can get a season pass for bubkis and go all the time. Don't deprive your kids.

Always be together.
This one I am already laughing about.

Soda during any occasion.
Can you tell we are not soda drinkers in my house...

4 candies a day.
1 of everyone's favorite course.
Always dessert.

So plans on giving her kids sugar before dinner - at least 4 times a day. Her kitchen will be a restaurant with each family member choosing their own dinner and she will also have time to make dessert. Quite a life for this family, it seems.

Signed for a promise,
So F.

In addition to all of her above declarations, she also constructed a weekly schedule for her kids which spells out the specific homework they will have each day. (I guess she is homeschooling.) It includes one hour of wii after homework each day as she promised. She made Tuesday, family night. She did include some mandatory reading - very forward thinking on her part. And Sunday and Saturday include family game time.

I am sooooooo saving this paper. I can not wait to laugh as I watch my first born daughter parent as the children dictate nowhere near her parenting predictions.

For now, I will just enjoy the thrill of parenting So :)