Here Is What You Can Do With Your Jury Summons

Again with the jury duty notice!!!

I did not receive my jury summons until my husband handed it to me three nights ago, so the fact that I am being called for February 9 left me clamoring to put this one to rest.

For a minute I thought it was my own fault for leaving the mail to pile up, which I blame on my pregnancy induced lack of patience for envelopes that scream out, "We WANT something from YOU". But then I realized the jury summons was once again, addressed to Orah S. (my maiden name) at **** Generic Avenue. (my parent's address). I thought they had taken care of that mistake the last time I received this annoying call for my presence, which was about a year ago. But that would be giving a Government office too much credit.

I receive a summons about every year, because I always get out of it. Frankly, I think it should be quite easy to get out of it because Orah S. no longer exists (on paper anyway). But to them I am just a number, and they need my services.

And this year, the date in question is a problem unto itself. Because on February 9, if all goes well G-d willing, I will not be in the vicinity of Chicago - or Illinois for that matter.

So like every time before, I sat down to compose my letter requesting to be excused from jury service due to the fact that it will cause me undue hardship.

And the letter may (OR MAY NOT) have gone a little something like this:

To Whom It may Concern,

My name is Orah S. (not really, but I'll get to that later), juror number (whatever THIS finger adds up to). I am writing to request that I be excused from jury service on February 9 due to the fact that it would cause me undue hardship.

First, I am a full time mother of three children, two of which are home most of the day. I have no one else to watch my children (let's ignore the fact that I could probably find someone if I had to) and if I left them home alone to attend jury duty, I would surely be arrested by someone who services this Government for child neglect and endangerment. This would cause me to actually have to attend a trial, not as a juror, but as a defendant, which obviously I have no time for and would also cause me undue hardship etc... etc... It would be a vicious cycle - you get the point.

In addition to this, I am extremely pregnant and might I add hormonal. These two factors would cause my presence in your waiting area to become irritating to you and the other prospective jurors. And do I have to further explain that I would have to leave the jury box every ten minutes to pee, which I am sure would leave the judge, prosecution and defense quite pleased. And don't get me started on how much food would be required to feed me if I were to be sequestered... Frankly speaking, if I were to serve on the jury, it would cause EVERYBODY undue hardship.

Also, when I would show up for my jury summons, you would not know if it was really me. Because all my (Government issued) identifying documentation, would claim me to be someone else. The drivers license, social security card, marriage license and nursing license that was issued to me by the same people who have just sent me my jury summons all claim me to be Orah F. living at some other Generic Avenue, so it would greatly cause me undue hardship to have to change all that back. And my husband would not like the fact that I will resort back to my maiden name and move back into my parent's home. (Although after 16 months of construction, their home is pretty sweet and I wouldn't mind moving in over there.) And this scenario could very well lead to a domestic violent situation, which would have someone getting arrested, and as I already mentioned - I do not have time to show up to court in any capacity.

So while I am very respectful of our ever so flawed judicial system and would just love to honor my civic duty...... it's just not going to work out this time.

Thanks for thinking of me, though,

Sincerely,
Orah S. F.