Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Official Transcripts Between The Bush Twins And The Obama Girls

While most of America is currently enamored with the fact that we finally have our 44th President, I will just throw this out there -

The Bushes finally know what too many Americans know, what it feels like to officially be evicted from your house.

With that said, I move on.

It has been mentioned that the Bush twins, Jenna and Barbara, have sat down with the incoming
"first children" Malia and Sasha to offer them some advice and words of wisdom. Although this conversation has yet to be made public, my faithful blog followers are in luck. Because I am THE only person, who has become privy to this recent transcript and I share it with you now.

But, due to lack of patience, I will not include any quotations and each Bush girl will be assigned a different color - so try to keep up.

(Jenna is red
Barbara is blue
And that is about as patriotic as this post will get)

You girls are going to go through a lot of changes and this will not be an easy transition for you.

Yeah, and you have to go through this transition completely in the public eye.

And everything you do or say will be tremendously scrutinized by the media.

If you down one beer or stumble upon one joint, they will notice.

Yeah, and then they will say you are just like your Daddy, and not in a good way.

Right, two Bushes could not fall far enough away from the tree, if you know what I mean.

And just wait until you have to go through puberty in the public eye.

Yeah, just wait - I mean look what happened to Chelsea Clinton.

Oh, yeah. Chelsea Clinton - poor thing.

And don't even think you will ever be able to go pee without the Secret Service hot on your tail.

And try holding down a boyfriend when three tough guys with earpieces are trading info on every move he makes.

Yeah, that will not make your Mamma proud.

Although Daddy will be too busy to notice.

Right? HA HA HA HA HA - too busy - HA HA HA, maybe if Dick Cheney is your father...

HA HA HA HA! Anyway, fashion is a must, they will pick apart everything you wear.

And don't get fat - or they will say "Jenna Bush, ha, more like Jenny Craig".

And you better keep your grades up because you know you have to go to Yale or Harvard even if you really wanted to go back packing across Europe.

And don't hang out with the Olson twins.

Oh for sure, in fact, don't hang out with any twins.

And know that all the white house staff is there 24/7 at your beckon call, and the kitchen staff will make you whatever you want.

But don't get fat.

Can't say it enough, definitely don't get fat.

And even though your Daddy speaks proper English and can pronounce "nuclear", don't think they won't make fun of his ears.

...or his name.

And just because Daddy made history by becoming the first black man to become President, don't think you will ever become President.

Oh definitely, no woman will become President, because you can never win.

Right, you will either be too emotional

...or not emotional enough.

You might become pregnant while serving as President

...or worse, your fifteen year old daughter might become pregnant while you are serving as President.

And she would never get an abortion.

Absolutely not, no fifteen year old daughter would, or has ever gotten an abortion while her father, I mean mother was serving as President.

And if you wanted to become President, no one will take your proposed Economic Stimulus Package seriously anyway.

Right, proposing that you should get designer eyeglasses and Manolo Blahnik shoes, because then every girl and woman in America will go out and get the same, thus circulating tremendous money back into the economy, is not an Economic Stimulus Package that will go over very well.

Anyway, just stick together and don't get into any trouble and you'll be fine.

Absolutely, especially in the first four years, because daddy needs to get re-elected.

Pshhh, yeah, don't dare screw that up.

And carve your names somewhere on the desk in the Oval Office.

Ha Ha, yeah, don't forget to leave your mark - this is history making.

If you have any questions, you can call anytime.

Well except Monday - Friday.

And not on Saturday or Sunday between the hours of 5 Am and 10:30 PM.

Great, good luck with everything girls.

The next part in the transcript is a little unclear, but it seems Malia turns to Sasha and says,

"Those two B$*&@es are craaaaaaaaaaaazeeeeeeeeee!"

At which point cute little Sasha responds,

"Malia Ann Obama, mind your tongue."

And Malia answers,

"Ummm, er, I mean those two Bushes, those two Bushes are craaaaaaaaaazeeeeeeeeeee. Now let's go play hide and seek in the Lincoln bedroom."

5 have shown Orah a little love:

Anonymous said...

I think your crazeeeeeeee, but funny as all get up. Like I said thanks for keeping me entertained!!
Even when I should be working...

Orah said...

Anonymous - sorry you got busted.

elisha said...


Candice said...

I'm sure it happened exactly like that.

Great post!

Heidi @ Tayterjaq's Rebels said...

I think I heard bits and pieces of that on the news but you are so lucky to have the whole thing.

Funny Post!