Sunday, February 15, 2009

Not Me! Monday - Vacation May Induce Moodiness

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog full of embarrassing testimony was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not testified to this week.

I did not have an amazing week with my family in Miami.

When we were at Parrot Jungle, I did not totally laugh hysterically when Hun kept getting pooped on in the Lorikeet cage because he decided the best place to stand was right under a rope where 12 lorikeets were perched.

I am not a total witch if I am getting screwed out of money. I did not spend time bitching talking sensibly to managers trying to retrieve five dollars at Parrot Jungle that a broken vending machine stole from us, as well as seven dollars we were overcharged in the parking garage near our hotel. I am not the Queen of scoring back my hard earned money.

I did not get a chuckle every time Ate asked to go back to the Ocean to wash off the "SNOW". He would never be that understandably clueless.
This is not my absolutely favorite picture of him covered in snow sand.

I am not somehow a magnet for celebrity encounters in random places at random times. It was so not me who spotted Wilmer Valderama (Fez from "That 70's Show) while my family was strolling down Lincoln Road in Southbeach. If I did, I certainly did not interrupt his dinner at "Sushi Samba" and yell out, "Hey Wilmer, can I get a picture with you?" I did not see him again two nights later at the exact same spot and then have my family double time it past him, lest he recognize me and think I am a total stalker.

Upon the return plane ride home, I did not vomit a little in my mouth, when I watched a nauseating scene unfold in front of me between a PREverted (so perverted, he is perverted before he is perverted, thus a PREvert) crew member and a passenger. As I was waiting behind the crew member and a cute petite woman in a very short dress, I did not watch as she kept asking him when the light goes on in the lavatory. He did not try to explain that it will go on when she slides the locking lever as he got physically closer and closer to her. I did not then watch him lean into the lavatory, practically salivating, and then hear him ask, "want me to come in with you", just as she figured out how to close the door.

I also did not have to become "MAMMA BEAR" on the plane, when an obnoxious fifty year old man sitting in front of me, turned around with mucho anger and "shush'd" my two year old who had been singing falsetto for no more than five seconds. I did not give him an evil look when he turned around and removed his ear buds, and said, "He is screaming."
It was not me who (ready to take him down) said, "actually he is singing".
In the "NO HE DIN'T" category - he did not then tell me, "WELL CAN YOU KEEP HIM QUIET?" I did not then laugh to myself at the absurdity of the question about whether I had the power to keep a two year old who is deep into his "anal" stage of development according to Freud (in more ways than one) and is expressing the normal psychological developmental stages of "independence" and "autonomy" quiet. (I so did not minor in Psychology.)

I did not then say, "wait, let me ask him.... Ate, would you like to be quiet."

Ate certainly did not look up at me and as expected, reply,

This, obviously, childless man did not finally get the point and turn around and leave us alone. Ate did not fall asleep five minutes later as I expected he would for the duration of the flight.

It is not me who is way too comfortable with confrontation especially when I am a moody pregnant lady.

I did not unnecessarily give some poor guy an unsuspecting response when he tried to make conversation as I was leaving the Starbucks counter at the airport, with my Frap.

After he rubbed his beer gut and said, "I can understand..." in obvious reference to my noticeable belly size, I did not respond by saying,
"No, I don't think that MEN can."

I was so not obviously tired at this point. I have not been sleeping almost all weekend because apparently vacation can be tiring. Also this weekend, it was not me who saw three Marine force 1 helicopters bringing President Obama into Chicago as I walked to MIL house Friday night for dinner. This will in no way be as close as I ever get to meeting Obama, unless I bump into him in Southbeach one day.

How did your week NOT go down?

6 have shown Orah a little love:

Shira said...

When I heard those same helicopters flying overhead on Friday night, I did not think for a second that it was maybe a plane crashing into a house like the one in Buffalo. said...

You are cracking me up, don't even know where to start, loved the whole post! Cute kids, when I glanced to the next pix, I did NOT think Wilmer was your Hun ") No, not me! ")

NateAndJakesMom said...

Oh my... you were so good not to pop the guy on the head and tell HIM to be quiet. Ugh.

Lauren said...

Please tell me you asked Wilmer Valderamma to sing "Hop us, Jump In" from Handy Manny!

Heidi @ Tayterjaq's Rebels said...

I so did not have to look up in IMDb to see if Fez and Handy Manny were one and the same...I probably would have know if I heard if voice though. I am so glad that you had a great vacation. I know we are always beat when we get back from anywhere and need a "vacation" from our vacation.
Welcome Home!

Anonymous said...

K, LADY, I will try this again...
I'll make this short and sweet,
Like the bird poop on Hun's polo, Luv the pic of Ate, Fez is way caliente, he woulda for sure thought you were a stalkerette if he woulda seen you again, salivating crew member is def vomit worthy, and assh**e who sat in front of u, who shushed Ate, should just go SUCK it!!
ahh, this is better the 2nd time around!
- Miss S.