Not Me Monday - Baby Love

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival full of baby goodness was originally created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

IT WAS NOT ME WHO HAD A BABY ALMOST TWO WEEKS AGO - FINALLY!!!

And it certainly was not me who for the first time, was completely wrong with my guess of gender. And if I was, I certainly did not express my astonishment by asking repeatedly,
"Are you sure, how do you know"?
when I was informed that the baby I just birthed was a boy.

It is not me who is told by my friends that my choice to have my baby "room in" all night with me in the hospital is just plain stupid. Well then, it was not me who actually had to wake my newborn baby after five hours of continuous sleep the first night, so he could eat and realized that five hours straight was actually the longest stretch of sleep I had in weeks.
And if there was someone who may have put orange nail polish on their son's toe nail because they have a slightly irrational fear that they might leave the hospital with the wrong baby and only realize it fifteen years later when said son needs to compare his DNA to his mother's for a school science project, that someone was certainly - NOT ME!

It was definitely not me who burst out crying when Hun and I differed on what to name our son. It was not Hun who finally realized that this was a battle he would never win.

I certainly would not be the sort of person who made a "Bris" (Jewish circumcision and baby naming ceremony) at 8 am and then was at my oldest daughter's "Bible" play an hour and twenty minutes later with husband and freshly circumcised baby. I did not then cry over the juxtaposition of going from my youngest child's ceremony to my oldest child's ceremony.

Frankly, it is not me who has found myself crying at practically everything lately, including the "PC vs. Mac" commercial where Mac meets Megan. I can not possibly be that hormonal (or that much of a PC gal).

It is not me who is totally and completely in love with a new little man and is so grateful to G-d that all went smoothly.

What are y'all not up to?

H2 - Oh My G-d

My kids apparently have an affinity for water play, not necessarily at the most appropriate times in the most appropriate clothing though.

Remember this
lovely moment ?

In keeping with the "Holiday" water play spirit, we could not go a whole two days without finding someone in their Holiday best, drenched through to their gotchkas.

On Friday we ate at my sister-in-law for lunch. She has a two year old girl named T. who loves to play with Ate. When Ate is enticed to play by his female cousins, he likes to pull out the charm card and show them what kind of coolness he is made of.

When I heard a commotion taking place in back of the apartment, I decided to take advantage of the fact that I gave birth a week ago and made it seem as if I was deep in newborn baby care (although I think he was being held by someone else at the time) and I just ignored the situation. That is, until I heard my SIL yell out,

"WHO OPENED THAT, OH MY G-D, IT'S LIKE A FLOOD IN HERE".

Those are never good words to hear.

It seems my lovely, well meaning SIL left a huge jug of bottled water that had a pull out spout, in a very child friendly spot on the counter. And that spout just called right out to Ate,

"PULL ME OUT! WATCH WHAT HAPPENS! PULL ME OUT FOR A GOOD TIME!"

And so he did. And so there was free flowing water onto the floor and his socks and the bottom of his pants as well as his cousins feet...

So five towels later and a borrowed pair of socks, we were ready to go back home.

Saturday for lunch we were set to eat at my MIL's house. I thought for five seconds about bringing a second pair of clothes for Ate, but after all the paraphernalia I needed to bring for my baby, that thought waned quickly.

Fast forward a few hours later, there was commotion in the basement. And this time I ACTUALLY was tending to baby (the whole nursing thing) and could only hear that Hun was on his way. At which point my other SIL who was eating at my MIL as well who also has a 2 year old daughter named L. who loves to play with Ate and is Svengalied by his charm and wit, already removed them from a basement sink where Ate was dumping cup fulls of water onto the floor causing, again, soaked socks and pants cuffs.

But that could not possibly be enough...

I could expect these things from two year olds, but what lay ahead, not only iced the cake, but gave the cake five layers and four different fillings and loads of cherries on top.

So, Ro and their five year old cousin Yo (not kidding, first two letters of all their names) who were thought to still be playing in the basement, apparently were NOT exactly in the basement. In fact, they were not even in the house. They decided to go out to the backyard.... and..... hose themselves down. Literally, turn on water...take hose....water each other....return to house, hair drenched, clothing soaked.

We were just about to leave for home. I wanted to have them walk home exactly as is, you know, to teach them a lesson.

"If you water it, you walk home in it"

But my MIL was not having it. I can't argue with their Grandmother. So they each donned the only thing my MIL had, their Uncle T.'s t-shirts.

So there we were, standing outside in front of my MIL's house, about to walk home, So in orange, Ro in green and Yo in a blue t-shirt that on them looked like an odd dress, with water still dripping from their hair. And Ate had some white gym socks on his feet that were 2 sizes to big and therefore he had no shoes on and off we went.

I imagine we looked like we came from Clown College where today's lesson was, how to spray a hose full of water from a funky flower on your over sized clown lapel.

Well, at least bath time was taken care of.

Interim

I have so much to post about the last week or so, but most of it will have to wait until the beginning of next week.

It is nice to know that my followers (whoever some of you may be, and I WOULD someday love to know) have been checking in from time to time.

In Interim,

I will only say, I feel great. Thank G-d.

It was a relief to unload a nine pound three ounce baby and what my Doctor referred to as an "enormous placenta". And considering the frequency of bathroom trips I make, the fluid is still being flushed out from my body. I refuse to get on a scale yet, but I feel much lighter and I believe my pelvic bones have been re-fusing together.

Everything went smoothly, which I do not take for granted and (knock on wood, and all that sort of stuff) he has been a really good baby thus far.

Of course (JULIE) I will share more details later, but in interim, I leave you with some pictures.



I hope this is enough to tie you all over for now. Tonight begins another two day long Jewish Holiday (cuz G-d wants us to EAT more).

It is 50 days since Passover. The Jews wandered the desert and came to Mount Sanai where G-d gave, via Moses the Ten Commandments and and the Torah (Old Testament). We celebrate that moment with a holiday called Shavuos. So everyone, have a great weekend - in interim.

I've Been...

Well I have been busy.........




IT'S A BOY!!!

9 pounds, 3 ounces of pure healthy heaven.

21 inches long in bounce and goodness.


Thank the Good Lord!


More later my fellow readers 8-)

My BEAMER

Ate has a way about him. He typically has me enjoying his company on a regular basis, because he is by nature, a joy.

The other day I was taking him to school and he began to run down the hallway as usual and I waddled behind him, when someone stopped me and said,

"I love watching him come to school, he has this amazing smile and it always makes me feel like it must be a great day".

I thanked her for her compliment, and I thought, yes that is my Ate. We call him a "BEAMER", because he has the most beaming smile. He gets that from my father. Although my mother always points out that as his second name S. was given after my Mother's father, so is his genuine warm and beaming quality. I guess like many women, my Mother married her father. People tell me the same thing about Hun, (that he is very much like MY father).

So then Ate, is a bit of Hun, my Dad and my Mother's Father. I can certainly tell you, that I am not a beamer.

Lately Ate is going through an "I am a doggie" phase. He likes to crawl to you on all fours and his choice of bark is "arf, arf, arf". It kind of took a turn this morning when he decided to lick my cheek. I am not one for cheek licking.

But there is the other side of Ate, which used to be frustrating for me and stressful for me, but now it simply just breaks my heart.

I have mentioned that Ate is literally "anal retentive". He chooses to fight his body's natural urge to release what it needs to and he can do this for days. There is no explainable rhyme or reason for this. I only know that other children (and their parents) go through this same torment and eventually the child should grow out of it.

I give him Miralax in his juice on a regular basis so at some point he can no longer fight the urge. We know EXACTLY when that pivotal moment is. He becomes "Mr. Hyde". He cries and screams and clutches at his diaper and jumps up and down. And all we can do is watch him until that moment when he just loses the fight and goes silent and tells us,

"I.... need.... pyvocee".

And during the actual act, he is his sweet self again.

The whole process is draining and breaks our hearts over and over again. The worst part is that it is unnecessary. He is hurting himself by fighting the body's natural cleaning process. There is nothing I can do to help him, but keep encouraging him that it is okay to let it go.

Because of this phase he has yet to break, I have not really considered toilet training, for fear of traumatizing him further. I do not believe in pushing my children. He will be three in June and I can see that he is understanding cause and effect more and will come let me know when he is ready to pursue other avenues in this area.

This past Monday night was the culmination of one of these anal retentive cycles.

I sat on a chair in the kitchen, reading a book, as I held him near me. I watched as he cried and screamed and clutched. He, intermittently, was concerned about his crying induced runny nose, and at some point asked me to come to the bathroom with him to retrieve a tissue. I obliged, and off we went.

In the bathroom, I saw him eyeing a potty seat that fits over the toilet and I asked him if he would like to sit on it. (He has sat in the past for a few minutes and then cried to have his diaper put back on and got off, never successful in this environment.) But, he asked - so we shall try once again.

He wanted me to stay in the washroom with him and there was not really an appropriate place for me to sit. But I found a small step stool that was only five inches off the floor and I took a seat for what I knew would be a long haul.

Like other attempts at this route in the past, at some point Ate felt the urge again and began to cry and fight it, even asking to have his diaper put back on. While in the past I would give in, I decided to pursue this now because as I saw it, Ate would be crying either way, may as well keep him crying on the toilet.

After about 20 minutes of me practically in a squatting position on a small step stool, he let it go. Of course, in the meantime, other...ahem...parts of him were not really in an appropriate position and the..... well.... the pee hit the fan........and the wall.....and the floor. And after his shock, Ate asked,

"Mommy, can you hold "THIS" down into the toilet"?

At this point, I placed his already wet pajama pants at the front of the toilet seat and helped him out with his....small problem. And he went on with his business.

I already went through the really tough part with Ate, now it was just a matter of waiting until he finished his business and cleaning up, of course. So I called Hun in to take over. And after about 25 minutes in a squatting position on a small step stool with extra weight in my pelvic area and the hormone "relaxin" making me more vulnerable to overstretched ligaments and muscles - I GOT UP AND OH MY G-D!!!

I was in such pain.....

Hun cleaned up (through my pain). We acted all overly-excited for Ate (through my pain). We made a "potty reward" sticker chart for Ate (through my pain). We immediately called the two Grandmothers and an aunt to share the great news (through my pain). We finally put Ate to bed (through my pain). And then I attempted to go to sleep .... very intimately with a hot water bottle might I add (through my pain).

The next day I woke with, guess what?

More freakin' pain!

I literally could not walk. I made Hun stay home for a while that morning helping with the kids. He did carpool at So's school for the first time ever. Then he took Ate and Ro to their school. I spent the entire day very intimately with that hot water bottle. My mom picked Ro and Ate up from school. (Of course, all the pick ups and drop offs by my family members had people wondering.... but no, I am still with child).

So it has been a few days since then, and I am feeling better. I have said goodbye to my hot water bottle. And Ate is showing signs of another impending bout with the fight. I will not be sitting on a step stool. I can tell you that much. But I will attend his fight and encourage him and make sure all important parts are in the right position. And when he is victorious, I will cheer for him and add a sticker to his chart and give him a treat.

And I will enjoy the beaming light from his satisfactory smile all the more, because I have also met "Mr. Hyde". And Ate the "BEAMER" is all the more beautiful.

How Patriotic Are You?

SERIOUSLY???

Obama products and promotions.		CONTAINS: Chia Obama handmade planter Chia Seed packet for 3 plantings Convenient Drip Tray Planting and care instruction sheet

Is this even legal? I don't know if I want the "Happy" Obama version or the "Determined" Obama version of Chia pet, but I will definitely take the one with the grassy fro.


What do you think, Patriotic, or just plain stupid?

Not Me! Monday - Mama's Day And Birthday Surprises

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival full of Mommy Day and Birthday surprises was originally created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and every other Mama with or without birthdays have not been doing this week.

TODAY IS SO NOT MY BIRTHDAY!!!

My mom did not desperately try to "convince" me to go into labor yesterday because I was born on Mother's Day and she thought it would be cool if I ended up having a Mother's Day baby as well.

I am so NOT still very pregnant and as much as I do want to deliver desperately, it is not me who will selfishly keep my legs together until 12:01 am Tuesday, because I do not want to share my birthday with my child. I would never be that pathetically selfish.

It was not me who did not rush this week to post a "Not Me! Monday" because once again I made a Doctor's appointment for Monday morning and knew I would not get an early link anyway.

I also did not just realize last night that due to my appointment time I would not be able to take Ate to his school to celebrate his classroom's "Mother's Day" party with him. It is not me who does not realize that my two year old has no clue that he missed any parties anyway.

It was not my lovely, considerate husband who took the kids, still in pajamas to Dunkin Donuts yesterday morning to get me breakfast in bed. (Like hell he would have actually MADE me breakfast in bed himself.) It is not me who is grateful for Dunkin Donuts drive thru, so I would not be embarrassed my pajama clad family would not be embarrassed of their attire. I did not receive a lovely card and coffee as well as doughnut AND chocolate frosted coffee roll AND cinnamon raisin bagel, which I certainly did not eat all at once. I would never eat ALL that fat and sugar, thinking, may as well get it all in now, because after I deliver, it's diet time.

It was not the same lovely, considerate hubby who came with me to my Doctor's appointment this time because he was adamant about spending time with me on my birthday he had to get a blood draw nearby anyway and has a tendency to faint.

It was not my plans for a manicure/pedicure which were pushed off because Hun actually DID decide to faint just after his blood draw and needed extra time and extra attention from the phlebodomist, his nurse/wife and an EMT who just happened to be there while her Mom was having blood drawn.

It did not freak the nurse/wife in me out at all, watching my own husbands eyes roll back in his head just before he passed out. And I CERTAINLY, did not for a moment think to myself,

"I can not believe my Hun faints after a blood draw and I am going to sing Hallelujah as I push something the size of a watermelon outta me."

I would never be unsympathetic for even a moment.

I did not have to forgo the manicure and just settle for a pedicure because I was set to meet a friend for lunch and was running out of time. It was not the calculation that I can, in fact, reach my own fingers, but not my toes that had me choose the pedicure over the manicure.

I do not have rockin' feet to stick in my Doctor's face now - I am so ready!

The friend I was set to have lunch with did not surprise me and bring 3 other rockin' friends and make lunch into a lovely little birthday shindig.

(Thanks girls - you rock!)

This day could not get any better.....

..... wait - yes it could.

Well at 12:01 am anyway.

What is sooooo NOT going on with you?

Shout Out To The Mamas

HAPPY MAMA'S DAY TO ALL MY BEAUTIFUL FELLOW MAMAS OUT THERE!!!

Hope you all have a lovely day with your kiddies (or without, if that suits you).

Shout out to Julie and Carey for your recent amusing comments on my last post...

but

NO INFO FOR YOU....

I am going to spend the rest of my day TRYING to become a fourth time Mama.

I have been walking, climbing stairs, eating pine apple, massaging pressure points and still ......... NADA.

Anyone want to share with me all the interesting and myth like self - inducing phenomenons you have heard of. I am open to suggestions.

Of course, if you do any of this stuff long enough, for weeks sequentially..... eventually it works. :)

Have a lovely Mother's Day!

Just Throwing This out There

HEY! DID YOU JUST ASK ME ABOUT THE CURRENT STATE OF MY CERVIX???

Asking me if I am having twins is bad enough, but I can not believe the people who have asked me,

"Is anything, you know, going on down there"?

As well as the, straight to the point,

"How many centimeters you at?"


Seriously, next one to throw those sorts of questions out at me will be subject to my pent up wrath - DUCK B*$@!!

I just wanted to throw that out there, but I may come back later and post something with less attitude, when I have some time.

I am busy setting my bank account on fire (Hun will be none too happy), because apparently, even though I have a crap load of kiddie stuff from three previous kids - it is NOT enough.

Later!

What Is A "Swiney"?

Critical Swine Flu Prevention Tip

Don't Do This!

Thank You!

This whole "swine flu" epidemic/pandemic has gotten me thinking.

(It takes something like swine flu to get my brain to exercise a bit.)

Anyway, it makes me realize how much our world's advancing technology and increasing media outlets can be both a blessing and a curse.

I personally am so O.V.E.R. this whole swine flu thing. It's not that I want to minimize the actual existing danger of it, but the system surrounding the deliverance of "swine flu" information does have its flaws.

The fact remains, yes- this particular H1N1 strain of flu has and can continue to result in fatalities, however, it is estimated that this past year 38,000 people died from general influenza.

We have become a world where increasing availability of airplanes and other means of travel have allowed more people to get from point A to point B with enormous ease. This of course allows for any particular disease (such as malaria and other more fatal diseases) to have a more wide spread affect.

We also have come a long way from messenger on horse riding through the cobblestone streets yelling,
"Death is upon us.... Death is upon us... Evil is spreading across our great nation. We are being eternally damned by the hand of The Lord..."

(Well I assume it went something like that.)

Today, word spreads via newspaper and periodicals, television, radio, and of course, the blessed Internet.

But, are we so quick to get the word out, that we are losing perspective on the difference between "better safe than sorry" and "scare tactic".

Yes - it is very important to remind people of all the precautionary measures they should take.

Reasonable precautions include:

1. Washing your hands throughout the day, especially if they might come in contact with any orifices of ANY sort on your person or on some other person.

2. Do cough and sneeze into a tissue or your arm, and then immediately dispose of the tissue (or the arm).

3. Then scroll back to number 1.

4. If you are a coughing, dripping, sneezing mess - please do not go out into society exposing all those who are actually following rules 1 -3.

5. If you absolutely must, must, must go out amongst the healthy people, please do wear a mask. However, please keep in mind, that most probably that funky looking thing you are wearing over your mouth and nose, will not actually prevent your infectious droplets and fluids from spreading to unsuspecting healthy people. Therefore, please scroll back to number 4.

Unreasonable precautions include:

Anything that comes out of the mouth of a Vice President who lacks a filter between his brain and said, mouth that might inject panic amongst the people and the desire to stop functioning as a fluid society.

This past week an airplane from Europe diverted to a city other than its final destination to , for all intents and purposes, kick a passenger off the plane because she had "flu symptoms".

I give them credit for actually waiting to come across the Atlantic, and make a safe landing before they kicked her off.

Have you ever been on an overseas flight?

Just being on an airplane that long is enough to make anyone sick.

I have visions of all the old "zombie" movies... The first sign of "zombieism" and you are screwed.

"Look - that guy is eating a burger..."

"Yeah - soon he will be feasting on human flesh with the same egregiousness..."

"He must have the zombie virus!!!"

"Shoot him... Shoot him..."

Ten people raise a myriad of shot guns and hand guns and this one guy has a Molotov cocktail and the burger loving "zombie" is no more.

How easy would it be for someone to call out a possible flu victim (or not) in the same way?

"Hey, did you just sniffle?"

"No"

"Yeah, yeah, I am pretty sure I heard a sniffle."

"No, I swear. I was breathing loudly."

"No man, that was definitely a sniffle."

"Hey everyone, a Swiney, a Swiney. Get him!!!"

Shots ring out, there is a blow torch... and Swiney is no more.

Remember, 38,000 people died last year from influenza. How many have died from the H1N1 flu, which seems to now be tapering off in Mexico?

Just separate the reasonable information from the scare tactics and use your responsible sensibilities and also, maybe pray a little.

Don't let the swines win!

Not Me! (Six Weeks Worth Of) Mondays

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog which was sorely missed was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and baby Stellan and everyone else have not been doing this week.






It is not me who is soooooooo happy that baby Stellan is back home amongst his adoring family.

I am sure it is not me who had a special admiration for profuse vomiting by my little Ro all week.

It certainly was not me who could predict the next eruption with complete accuracy allowing me to make sure all by-product is contained in baggie lined garbage pail each and every time.

It is not me who does not find anything wrong with the pride I allowed myself after making each catch.

I did not totally ignore my Hun, when he returned from a business trip Thursday night and walked into the house just as I was standing in front of my TV, yelling like a banshee as the Bulls, in triple overtime were going for a win in game 6 against the Celtics. I would never ignore my lovely husband who left me all preggers, with a vomitous child and a little boy who scared the living daylights outta me when he shocked himself from a wall socket, while he went on aforementioned business trip. It did not occur to me that my loving, adoring hubby did not actually rush home to be with me either because he was most certainly not standing at a TV in the airport upon landing glued to the same game as me.

I would never give him that much credit, frankly.

I am not one who would become so excited over a basketball game and equally excited over the amount of contractions the intense game was causing, that I totally expected game 7 would yield as much excitement and maybe an actual baby as well, only to be terribly disappointed when it did not.

It was not me who got noticeably irritated at a fifty year old man who does not know me, when he asked,
"When are you due.... I just ask, because it looks like it's any second."

He could not have possibly noticed the evil glare I burned into his eyes, which caused him, then and only then to introduce himself, as if that would yield an answer from me.

I was not equally irritated by a very close five foot tall 95 pound friend of mine who saw me on Saturday and immediately exclaimed,
"Orah, you are huuuuuuuuuuuuuge."

If she very wisely made that genius remark, she certainly did not follow it up with,
"I have lost aaaaaaaall my baby weight since C. was born ten months ago. I have been taking all my skirts in... blah... blah... blah (I want you to reach out and strangle me right now)... blah... blah... blah.

I most certainly did not consider using all 5 feet 6 inches and oh so much more than 95 pounds of myself to clobber her.

I did not spend all day Sunday making up for a very unproductive week of housework while my, once again, exceptionally considerate hubby took the kids to a pro-Israel event, and still ended my physically exerting day disappointed in the lack of baby yielding.

It was not me who considered writing six weeks of Not Me! Monday in one post, only to realize all six weeks would pretty much result in repetitive blog material.

What have you not done for six weeks of Mondays?

I Feel Free : )

Hun has returned from his business trip with no sneezing, coughing, drippiness, Ro has turned a major corner and is mucho bettero, So went off to school this AM without a melt down and Ate.... well he is still a terror.

And it looks like it might actually be a rain free weekend here in Chi town.

So finally, I offer a "vent" free post.

Last night, I was certain I would go into labor on three separate occasions.

Those occasions happened to directly correspond to triple overtimes in game six of the Boston Celtics vs. the Chicago Bulls playoff series, resulting in a one point win by Chicago which will take them to game seven of this series.

Seriously, it was exhilarating, and I either have a future sports fan in utero or a child who wanted me to sit down and stop yelling at the TV, because there was some major action going on. But alas, still very preggers and hoping for more intense exhilaration this Saturday night when game 7 takes place, because the weekend is not a bad time to have a baby.

Also very exciting, "The Most Beautiful People" issue of People magazine has arrived...

Do you not see the juxtaposition there? Would you see it if I was reading that magazine while attending any Chicago sports game in head to toe fanatic team related sports wear?

I love that I can easily be both, girly girl and downright loud and dirty sports fan.

I can easily sit down for a mani/pedi, and bring on the masseuse, however, I much rather watch a good action movie over a chick flick any day of the week.

I guess if I subject myself to watching something so unrealistic, I rather watch a flaming car race up a ramp and do triple loops through the windows of two strategically placed high rise buildings only to come out the other side still aflame as it falls while still flipping into a waterway below, at which point the hero/heroine of the movie miraculously resurfaces after a suspenseful minute and hides against a post under a bridge,

than,

watch a guy tell the more homely girl in the movie that he is in love with her and expects that they will have a perfect marriage and luxurious life together in their dream home in the suburbs with two very well behaved children and a lovely obedient dog while he somehow manages to make a living without ever leaving her side.

I have no idea how my post today took this turn. I guess that is what happens when you sit down, lap top on non-existing lap with no agenda. I think it is called "Free Writing".

But the bottom line is this, the week is coming to an end, and it is ending better than it has begun. And for that I am grateful.

I thought, along the lines of "Free Writing" I would throw out a related Psycho dynamic theory just for the hell of it...

It is an uncensored, way of thinking with fluidity...
"Free Association".

If you want to play along, it is very simple. I will throw out one word to end this post and all you have to do is share in my comment section, the first word that you think of as it relates to my final word. But it has to be the first word that comes to your mind, no cheating.



Ready.......



Here it is........




"Grateful"