It's Inevitable

I knew this day would come. I knew this day would come, four years ago when I was pushing a then, two year old So in the stroller down the alley on the way to synagogue. I was walking with a neighbor and her seven year old son. As we passed one of the myriad of alley located garages, our meaningful conversation gossip was interrupted by this very loud inquiry, "Mom, what does F$!@ mean?" We both stopped cold in our tracks. As we looked towards my neighbors son, we noticed the very tastefully decorated garage, screaming out a very unique spray painted slogan, that I am sure the owners of such garage did not invite willingly. My neighbor simply replied, "That is a bad word, we do not say that word, please don't say that word again, EVER."

No matter how we try to shield our children, we can't win. We can put all the parental controls on our televisions and computers that we want, but ultimately, our child will end up hanging out with THAT kid. You know the one, the kid who knows just way to much for his own good, and all things that are quite age inappropriate. The kid, whose parents are clueless to what their child is exposed to, or they are just negligent altogether. And if our child is not influenced enough by THAT child, they will undoubtedly become exposed to some form of schmutz or another, just by living in this world.

The other day, my six year old who likes to read the "Tribune" (which has just been totally dumbed down to appeal to people who would never read a newspaper anyway) noticed an ad for an upcoming movie. It might have been the stick figures that make up the illustration of this movie ad that drew her attention, but it's the title that got my attention. When my six year old asked me, "Mommy, what's a porno?"

The movie "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" (great, and the character's names are so obviously Jewish), is actually not a porn. It is a mainstream comedy about two cash strapped roommates who make a porn movie for some quick cash. Either way, I had some explaining to do.

"Well", I said. "Porno is Spanish, as in Por no, meaning for no."

"For no what, Mommy?"

"For no one under the age of 18, especially if their name is So."

"Why, Mommy?"

(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!)

Now I try the, almost, straight forward approach. "So, there are just things in this world that are not appropriate for a six year old to know about, and when you are old enough to know about it, you should still not know about it."

"Huh? Never mind Mommy, can I have a treat?"

Awesome, my new approach in the future - just confuse the heck out of her. And then give her a dum-dum.

I think I thwarted this one, this time. But ultimately, that day will come when she will not give up that easily. That's usually the "where do babies come from" scenario. I can handle that one. In the meantime, no more "Tribune" for So.