Monday, October 27, 2008

Gnats on Steroids

I hate gnats. They are those tiny little flies that you inadvertently brought home from the fruit store in your bag of apples or nectarines. Only, you brought home just two and a day later there is a kickin' party going on at face level right near your refrigerator that involves actual super mating. Now your kids are wondering why you keep walking around the kitchen clapping every few seconds, and exclaiming,"victory" when you notice a smashed black speck on your palm. Usually these critters are gone this time of year, but now I am noticing similar monsters, although they doubled in size. They are gnats on steroids

This forced me to actually contemplate the actual source of these non-rent paying kitchen dwellers, and so I turned to my potato/onion cabinet. The cabinet that I hate most, because I am sure that a rotten potato carries the same exact decomposing chemical make-up as a rotting corpse (although I never met a rotting corpse).

So I donned the best neon yellow dish washing gloves I could find, wrapped my very stylish, five dollar, Target scarf around my nose and went to business. And there it was, or they were, rather - MAGGOTS. Lest I be judged at this moment as someone who neglects proper home cleanliness, I must fill you in here on an important life change that has for the past year affected how my home is run. My parents have been living with me for one year and three months while they do construction on their house.

How does this fact lend itself to writhing maggots eating away at liquefied potatoes?

A. I did not leave potatoes in a closed plastic bag. All potatoes need to be dumped out of plastic bags so they may breathe fresh air.

B. I have not gone into that cabinet in about two months, although I have seen my mom eating her sour cream smothered baked potato on many occasions.

There hasn't really been a whole lot of communication about what needs to be done in the house and who does it, it just seems to get done. Someone cooks supper. Someone gets the groceries. Someone cleans the potato cabinet that has been opened probably an estimated 25 times in the past month, maybe even emitting noxious fumes with every swing of the cabinet door...

I love my parents, and I am so happy I have had the honor of hosting them for the past year and three months. However, after the vermin finally make their exit, I hope my parents are able to follow en suite.

0 have shown Orah a little love: