Bring Your Own Potty

I am not Irish and have no plans to fly in and out of Ireland any time soon. So I probably won't be flying "Ryanair" airlines.

This is good, because if I were flying "Ryanair" I would probably have to dig under my sofa cushions to muster up all the loose Euro coins I could find in order to use the airplane bathroom.

A couple problems with this ...

1) I am not from Europe and therefore have no Euro coins.

2) I refuse to ever pay to use a bathroom.

Use of bathroom is not a privilege, it's a RIGHT!!!

Also, those Irish airline decision makers should know by now, if someone has to pee (or worse) not being able to access a coin operated loo is not going to stop anybody.

So, have they really thought this through? Do they realize the possible ramifications of flying thousands of feet in the air with 190 passengers, many of whom have no pocket change, but still have bladders in perfect working order?

I half joked about this with my mom years ago, after airlines started charging for checked luggage and meals, and whatever other things my kids will never know were once included in the price of an airline ticket...

I realized it was a possibility when I remembered walking through Budapest and finding a box that looked like a closet in middle of the street and realized it was a bathroom and one can only access it with a Hungarian Forint.

I also realized that once the door was open with ONE coin, it could be accessed by everyone in your party so long as no one let it swing closed with no one on the inside.

So with all the money that "Ryanair" HOPES to make, will they have bathroom police? I gather this whole "pay-to-pee" idea will cause fellow passengers to become very neighborly and shove a small object in the door jam so the door can be easily opened when necessary by the next passenger. Who is paying attention anyway?

And "Spirit" airlines? Ha! Where is your spirit? You want passengers to start paying for carry-ons? I heard you will forgo charging for bags that contain items necessary for babies. Well, I have news for you. Men are the biggest babies of all. If they don't have their laptop with them, they do cry. Can we not charge for those babies' necessary carry-on items as well? And what about elderly who may need medication on board and other items. What about someone who needs to carry-on an Oxygen tank? Will you charge them?

Does it really matter - I assume you will start charging a fee to circulate fresh oxygen throughout the airplane altogether. In the very least, you will make the oxygen masks coin operated. In case of sudden change in cabin pressure, please rummage through your purse (that you paid a fee for to carry-on the plane) QUICKLY, so you can get your Oxygen mask in a timely fashion.

Passengers will be paying for seats, because the airlines WILL offer standing room only. BYOLC - bring your own lawn chair (but you will pay a fee to carry it on).

Oh, and eventually you will have to pay if you want an actual pilot flying your plane. It seems if you want to travel by air, you can do so, standing in an empty metal tube that may or may not have oxygen circulating flying by some remote controlled access, overseen by some teenager with a genius IQ while he plays "Rockband" on his Wii. SWEET!!!

I really don't think there is anywhere I want to go. Certainly not with "Ryanair" or "Spirit" airlines.

But just in case, it's times like these that I am proud my mother refers to me as a camel.

I hold my water well.