"Avatar"? Uh, More Like "AVOMITAR".

I saw this movie Saturday night, called "Avomitar". Some of you may know it by it's more recognizable street name - "Avatar". But, those of us who saw the 3D version while sitting in the second row and got totally nauseous and vomited I will refer to it as "Avomitar".

I actually had no interest in seeing this movie altogether. But as a friend of mine pointed out to me, I tend to get turned off by movies that have a lot of hype before they even come out. I hated "Titanic" as well, for this reason. Is it coincidence that both movies were directed by James Cameron? I think not. Unless the guy has a series of movies about an assassinating robot from another planet or he spends over 500 million to make a movie, there would be no hype, and their would be no Golden Globes.

Have you seen "Avomitar"?

I have never been on acid, but, watching giant blue beings and fluorescent glowing botany as well as dogs that have been lifting weights and a cross between hammerhead sharks and a dinosaur on steroids must come way close to a full on acid trip. Now add to that 3D, and it becomes a BAD acid trip.

My friend, Miss S. facebooked me on Wednesday and told me another friend - B. was going to see "Avatar" (before my experience - it was "Avatar"). She asked me if I wanted to come because Miss S's husband had already seen it with his sister. My husband had no interest either. I told her, if I was going to see it, then I had to see the 3D version because I heard "you haven't seen "Avatar" if you haven't seen it in 3D" (But from me, the motto will be "if you haven't seen "Avatar" - DON'T!")

Apparently, B. and her husband already tried weeks earlier to see the 3D version, but it was sold out, so this time she would buy the tickets ahead of time.

Background on B. - when the latest "Twilight" movie came out (also won't see those because I hate the vampire hype) - "New Moon" she bought tickets for the 12 AM showing for about 20 people. She arrived 3 hours before the movie and saved two rows in the theater (I have no idea how she physically managed to spread herself across 20 seats, but it must have been a sight.)

I fully expected that she would be in the theater by the time Miss S., another friend - T. and I arrived with her legs and arms stretched over the most prime seats, battling off theater goers with her best "Avomitar" savages' hiss. But she arrived the same time as we did, looking quite pissed. Her look of pissiness was due to the fact that she would have loved some prime seats as well and fully intended on throwing her whole body across half a row, if only the other couple she was picking up was READY on time, allowing her to arrive early enough.

So - that left the second row of the theater. Which, funny enough, turns out to be the FIRST row because no one in their right mind even attempted to watch "Avomitar" 3D sitting in the front row. That made us the stupidest people in that theater.

And what is more stupid than that? - Well, staying for an entire 3 hours of ung-dly torture - is what.

I will backtrack here, and share with you that Saturday night, I tend to make sure I EAT. Especially this particular Saturday night - because Sunday, I would be running 12 friggin' miles as part of training for a half marathon coming up in 2 weeks. I like to Carbo load with a mix of good carbs and really bad carbs. I had something to eat before I left the house and I stuffed my purse with peanut butter m&m's, baby carrots and water (I figured the peanut butter was also iron rich protein).

So there I was, sitting second row with funky glasses slipping down my nose and my head cranked back, throwing back a mound of baby carrots and handfuls of peanut butter m&m's, while giant blue people FEET were totally in my face and I am so NOT a foot person (although it could be the Podiatrist with us was getting excited). As time went on, I was getting really hot and kept adjusting my position to find comfort in that second row seat. I started feeling a migraine come on, but I have a sickness (besides the sickness I was about to experience). I have this sickness, once I start a movie (or a book) no matter how awful it might be, I must finish it.

CURSE THE FACT THAT I STARTED THIS MOVIE....

I had to subject myself to the brutality (not the brutality actually IN the movie), the brutality of watching 3D in the second row.

And what was with the "braid mating"? (If you don't know what I mean - then you haven't seen "Avomitar" ....... AND DON'T!!!)

But as soon as the movie was over, I could not get out of there quick enough.......


.....I MEAN QUICK ENOUGH!!!

I was the center seat in the second row, and no one was moving. So I literally leaped over the very empty first row, and hightailed it out of the theater to get some air.

When Miss. S. and T. walked out, I am pretty sure that the color of my face was almost as blue as the "Blue People" of Planet Pandora, or as white as their sacred tree. My eyes felt like they were on fire and possibly hanging out of my eye sockets from their retina. My stomach was churning like I was on Cameron's friggin' Titanic.

My friend T. decided to use my look of death to our advantage. So she walked up to "concierge"... (concierge? let's call it what it is, three twenty one year old college drop outs who need to contact the "Big Man" at the top who is vacationing in Cabo - to see if you should really get a refund) and she spoke about the awful movie and the guys behind us on their cell phone and then pointed to me and said, look it made her sick. I added in my two cents about allowing babies into the theater, to which Najeeb replied,
"we let in anyone, as long as they are with parents".

Really? So only the six month old babies who show up WITHOUT the parents, are denied entrance?

Anyway, Najeeb walked off and returned with three free admits in the form of a blue ticket. (Well, I am pretty sure it was blue, although everything at that point pretty much looked blue to me.) So I get to see a free movie at some point, which better be a good one so the vomit can be slightly worth something.

I got in Miss. S's car, at which point she basically threatened my life if I were to hurl in her car.

I made it home without causing her any undue hardship and collapsed on my couch, when my gracious Hun brought me 2 Tylenol caplets ....... which stayed down for about 4 and a half minutes, when I went running to the bathroom and .... well, let's just say that it was a good thing I did not have my 3D glasses on while leaning over the toilet. that would have been a sight.

So all the carbo loading for my big run the next day was kind of a moot point about now.

But you will be glad to know, "Avomitar" may have ruined my night, but it did not ruin my run the next day.

If that movie wins an Oscar, I will aVOMITar, all over again.