Leaving On An Aero-Plane Cont...

So where was I?

Oh yeah .... JFK sucks!
(the airport, that is. Not the President)

They have that ONE initial line that weaves around in the tightest of space before you break off, just as you get to the metal detectors. It's like waiting in line at the amusement park without the benefit of the cool water mist (and you have nothing to drink while you wait, because you had to throw all your drinks away before you entered the line, which is just as well, because you would have to hold your pee in for about an hour, or a day). And the ride you get on at the end, better NOT be making loop de loops and doing 90 degree drops.

But I believe, you are still required to follow the
"NO LINE JUMPING" rule.

At some point, to get the line moving quicker, a TSA agent standing towards the front of the line told us to weave through the already tight space, as two lines, in double file fashion. I was following the dude in the white linen suit the whole time. Trudging along with two strollers and all our sh&#, I had my eye on the white linen suit, and I stayed as close behind as I could. Our line was moving a bit quicker than the other one, and I was doing my best to move our crap quickly to keep up with the AWESOME linen suit. I guess the wheel of Bam's stroller became caught on a pole that holds up those tethers that create the space we are walking through, and there was a lull - for a split second. And 4 people decided to take advantage of this split second lull. And before I could blink, these 4 people walked out of their line and filled the space between white linen suit dude and me.

HELL NO YOU DI' ENT!

So I call out (I swear, just loud enough so the person furthest from me who cut me off could hear),

"Excuse me! I was following that guy (pointing to the suit) this whole time."

This is all I said, nothing else was said at this time. And with that, the two people closest to me, immediately moved back and gestured for me to pass, and only after that, did the front two assholes instigators, let me pass as well.

At which point, the man of what seemed like a couple said in a very obvious "Cockney" accent,

"Calm down, no need to yell."

First, if you do not know what Cockney is, it is a specific "British" accent that typically is telling of those who speak it, in terms of their socio-economical background. It usually means they are from the East End of London - the lower working class and not as educated.

To put it in terms "Americans" can understand - They are southern hicks, white trash, trailer park...

So I say, (gesturing with my hands as I speak, because as a woman, I pretty much always speak with my hands - which were at level with my belly at this time)

"Uh, I was not yelling, I was only calling out loud enough to get your attention."

His girlfriend says, (in her Cockney accent)

"sokay, we are ull hot and bovered, we are ull hot and bovered."

(I was really done with this, when he let me pass back, but it seems he would not let it go)

So I look at her, THINKING {I am not BOVERED - whatever the hell that means}, but I do not respond to her, because her boyfriend is now moving on to the fact that I talk with my hands.

"Don't wafe yur hands at me, don't wafe yur hands at me..."

"I am not WAVING my hands at YOU"
{Slimy, British scum}

It was at this point when I realized that he was one of those guys who did not like being wrong and admitting it, and nothing would change that.

So I just looked at his girlfriend thinking,
{He is your problem, not mine}

And I walked away, as the line was nearing the TSA agents who was checking boarding passes and passports.

He followed his line to a TSA agent and I followed dude in a white linen suit to my TSA agent.

But, besides for the very appropriate "Fu*# off and Fu*# you he said, extremely loudly amongst all the impressionable traveling children in the general vicinity, I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was still staring me down.

I dared not make eye contact, because I am pretty sure if I did, he would have pounced, but he just could not let it go.

Can you say,

ANGER MANAGEMENT?

Even his girlfriend realized he was blowing the situation out of proportion. I could hear her telling him, to let it go, and move on. And his response to her...

"Well she wuss talken' to me like I wuss a bloody child."

I was so tempted to turn to him and tell him he was acting like a child. No, actually, he was acting worse than a child. Even my children know better than to behave that way. What he did in the first place was inappropriate. Then he could have licked his wounded ego when he was called out on his indiscretion, but instead he carried on worse than a child. I will just assume, he was not brought up that well, on the East End of London, where "Bovered" is a word.

Now who else can I have a confrontation with.

Why not, the extremely bright TSA agent? (Because only the most elite are hired for that position).

BY THE WAY:

I am so NOT an "ELITIST". But please at least hire people who can accomplish the task of "directing organization" and have a basic understanding of cause and effect. And please hire people who do not berate the passengers, due to their own shortcomings.

When I approached the TSA agent, she noticed me holding a pile of boarding passes in one hand and a pile of passports in the other and right away yelled at me,

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME SAY, THAT EACH PASSPORT SHOULD BE WITH EACH BOARDING PASS, RESPECTIVELY?"

"No, when did you say that?"

"I have been yelling the whole time, Passport with boarding pass, passport with boarding pass. I don't even have a voice left."

{Yup, THUS, the reason I could not hear you - genius}.

"Well, maybe the guy at the front of the line who told us to get into two lines, should deliver that bit of information so people can be prepared."

"You, should have listened, then you would have heard me. Now step aside and put them together."

So, I stepped aside, wondering - if I would have LISTENED, would it have helped me HEAR the VOICELESS lady?

And then I thought, am I the only one who did not hear this directive.

So I looked around, and it dawned on me, it really does not matter if others heard this directive or not. Because the majority of people going through security are either, individuals or couples. And individuals, as well as couples are comprised of people who are EACH holding their own passport and boarding pass. Whereas I (I, meaning a family of six) was in possession of six passports and six boarding passes. So really this directive is specifically in place for families of small children where one parent was tricked into being (unwillingly) designated as the passport/boarding pass holder.

It would really benefit everyone, if someone (with a voice) at the front of the line, would gently make this directive - DIRECTLY to those who are holding 12 security check items as well as a crap load of other things.

If I was not hot and bovered bothered before, I certainly was now.

Next time, just KINDLY ask me to step aside and put the crap together, instead of berating me for not HEARING, something that anyone in a one foot radius with satellite dishes for ears would NOT have heard.

Well - Hun was having one of his "I so married the right girl" moments, I am sure.

And with that, we were off to remove safety threatening shoes, and pull out 3 ounces of life threatening hand cream.

Oh, and try getting a "telephones" (headphones), obsessed 3 year old, who has been wearing them detached from any electronic device, because he rather try and stick the cord in any other random hole he can find, to place those on a tray to be x-rayed. Oh, joy!

By the time we made it to the gate, the plane was in the midst of being boarded. I was so happy to finally make it to my seat, only there was an interesting Israeli woman sitting in it, with a young boy who turned out to be a Grandson, sitting next to her in the seat that belonged to one of my kids. I assumed she was Israeli, because only an Israeli would have so little patience, that she would assume that seat was empty before the plane was even 1/4 boarded. My assumption turned out to be correct.

SAVLANUT! (more about "Savlanut" in an upcoming post, for my non-Hebrew speaking friends.)

Anyone who knows anything about El Al, knows this. It is an airline that fills with families. And if for some reason there is an empty seat to be had, it will most certainly not be found in the bulkhead seats where the baby bassinets go. So she returned to her seat when she realized, mine was not available. Her seat was diagonally across from mine, ahead of me. But a few minutes later, she tried the two seats to the right of me, in my 4 seater row. I bit my tongue, but I knew it was only a matter of time before she was booted from that seat as well. And less than a minute later, she was outta there. I realized - airplane seat hoppers, kinda amuse me.

I would say this flight was uneventful, which, once we took off, it mostly was. But we could not really take off until this one poor guy, who refused to fly, would get in his seat.

He looked to about 80 something and was with a guy about 40 something who may or may not have been his child. If I had to guess, I would say, he had dementia or Alzheimer's or something similar. He was yelling really loudly,

"I......... DON'T.... WANNA FLY!"

It took about ten extra minutes until they could convince him to sit. I just felt really bad for him and his caretaker.

But the flight attendant who handled it, handled it like a true Israeli.

"You dunt wont to fly? But we er ulraydee in de sky. We ulraydee fly eng. What I should do? Lend de plane? No, we ulraydee fly eng."

We so were NOT, but whatever...

So we made it out, flew across an Ocean and some hostile Countries, and landed in Israel on Thursday, with applause.

I never really get why they clap. Is it because they are so excited to be in this Country rich in history and culture? Or are they thankful the Plane did not go down in the Atlantic?

Either way - Yippee!

I can finally post about our actual time IN Israel.

Till then ... 8-)