Saturday, November 13, 2010

What Tears Do To A Computer

Ok. I'm gonna write one. But you probably won't like it and won't ever come back to visit. It's not going to be a fun one.

Why have I not been writing???

I've been depressed.

Before you get yourselves all worried over me (because I'm sure you all spend every waking moment thinking of only ME...) I will have you know that I am NOT clinically depressed.

I'm not on any medication or seeking any therapy. I'm fully aware of when I go through a funk. My creativity gets swallowed up by clouds of endless emotion. This is what happens when you are a person with an overwhelming sensitive soul.

In addition to my sensitive soul, I make matters worse by being a person so complacent over worldly events. Once I hear a bit of bad news, whether it's generic to the world's population or hits extremely close to home, it eats away at me and eats away at me and eats away at me until I am like a wet noodle - STUCK to whatever is thrown my way.

I have been trying to curb my usual addiction to news and media, via periodicals, TV or Internet, so believe it or not, I have been "logged on" a bit less lately.

But I apparently have to surrender, much to my reproach, to the news that comes my way via my own community.

Too many people sick and dying.

What else is new?

What's so different this time?

It's hitting close to home.

My parents are losing friends which has me facing certain realities that I am not ready, and frankly, too afraid to face.

My husband has an extremely sick aunt. She is currently in a "good" place. It's "good" because instead of dying with cancer, she is currently living with cancer.



My mother-in-law (G-d bless her, and I love her immensely) has practically given her life to taking care of said, sick aunt, (who lives in another state)while continuously caring for a handicapped child who is 23 and totally capable of learning independence, when she should be spending these formative years traveling with her husband, visiting grandchildren in other states and countries, and frankly, anyway that suits her dreams and interests.

This aunt, by the way, is only in her early 40's and had her seventh child just a few months before my Bam was born. But her own parents live in her neighborhood. And so my MIL claims she is really there for her brother (the cancer stricken aunt's husband). My MIL returned home last week supposedly for good. But then ran back out there because her handicapped son who is supposedly learning independence, came down with the flu. Who is going to take care of my brother-in-law when my MIL no longer can?

Don't think I have not been thinking about the answer to that question. That is all I have been thinking about amongst other equally worthwhile hypothetical situations that (hopefully no time soon) will one day become quite apparent in my family circle.

In the meantime, it certainly doesn't help that my own husband has a recent diagnosis of "something" that is exacerbated by stress, and flare ups can be thwarted by exercise.

Uh, allow me to introduce you to my workaholic of a husband.... Stress is what happens when you are spread so thin because you are really working the job of six people. The irony is, if he had those six people, that is when he would actually have time to STOP and hire six people. And if he had the time to SLEEP, he might actually have the time to exercise.

So the fact that the Doctor told us that my husband is at higher risk for a certain cancer because of his recent diagnosis, that doesn't at all throw another wrench into my already existing state of bliss and calm.

All I can do is





And the damn tears keep shorting out my computer.

So who could blog without a computer?

1 have shown Orah a little love: said...

That is ALOT going on...

sounds like plenty of reasons to






I think of you often...hope things will look up soon