Monday, November 15, 2010

How To Turn The Tables On A TSA Pat Down

Well I obviously don't want to leave you all with that last post for too long because it's just way to indicative of the poor, pathetic Orah.

And I am not sure how it was received because, frankly, not one of you who read it left a comment.

So, moving on.....

How about our very "FRIENDLY" TSA agents???

I was starting to worry that we were becoming a populace too unfriendly and hands off.

I'm so happy to see we are opening up to the idea of becoming touchy/feely all over again.

And it's great to see that terrorism has not taken from us the one thing they were trying to ...



Because at least, the TSA agents feel very free to touch our "junk" and fondle our "ta-tas".

The fact that I can now always feel FREE to say, while traveling by air,
"Excuse me, but would you mind, while you're up there, scratching my left ovary, kinda itching..."

is so something I never expected to say awesome.

I feel liberated.....

and FREE.

If you don't know what I am talking about (oh yeah, I have been watching/reading SOME news again - but only the kind that amuses me) the very INTIMATE pat down procedure via TSA has become extremely apparent as both flight crew and passengers are making a point of being vocal about it.

In the meantime, my heart palpitations and anxiety have begun as I am due to travel in early January as well as at the end of January via air.

Not everyone has to expose themselves to the extremely affectionate pat downs.

Nope - those pat downs are only for the people who "opt-out" of EXPOSING their "junk" and "ta-tas" in all its purely formed glory to the TSA agents holed up with readily available imaging in some room down the hall by refusing to stand in one of the strip search machines body scanning machines.

I already know I am going to be an "opt-out".

1. I don't trust the TSA when they say "no images will be recorded" (it actually has already happened)

2. I don't trust the TSA when they say "it's minimal x-ray and not hazardous to health"


I am sure I will not find a too close for comfort, pat down to be a necessary replacement for the "booty baring machine", nor will I find it comfortable. But I figure I could make it more uncomfortable for the TSA agent (same gender) if I begin to groan pleasantly in a "very familiar" way.

I may add to that with a little
"ooh - right there ... that's it...."

Or I may throw out a line like,
You may want to wash your hand now and get some shots, there are not ENOUGH gloves for your hand to keep you from getting what I got...."

just to shake things up a bit.

If the aforementioned ideas of mine make you uncomfortable just reading it, imagine how the TSA agent will feel.

I mean, why should I be the only one who is going to feel uncomfortable.

But what really began to scare me was the idea that they could pat down my child. This makes my stomach turn.

We lock up any random adult for touching a child even more minimally than TSA would, so how could we allow such grossly intimate pat downs of a child.

They have been doing pat downs of children thus far.

TSA Screener Accosts 3 Year Old Child at Security Checkpoint

Oh - don't bother clicking on that. Youtube had to remove the video because some "Tribune" copyrighted it.

But I saw the footage today and this child was screaming, "don't touch me, don't touch me, I don't want them touching me..." and her mother just stood there helpless.

This child can be traumatized for life just as any child who undergoes uninvited "touch" typically becomes.

TSA administrator, John Pistole was interviewed on the Today Show defending TSA's screening practices and touting their "sensitivity" to passengers during pat downs.

He also said that TSA will no longer be doing pat downs on children under 12.

A) Where the hell did he get the number 12 from. Did someone pull it out his ass during his recent cavity search? My understanding is that anyone under the age of 18 is a minor in any other wretched circumstance. If someone molests anyone under the age of 18 it is considered "an offense against a MINOR" Oh - and the best time to decide to start pat downs on non-adults, is probably just around the time they are going through puberty. Because that is when they are MOST secure about their bodies and they want to share it's development with strange TSA agents.

B) As I already mentioned, I DO NOT TRUST TSA!!! Just because it is on record that TSA administrator, John Pistole said pat downs are NOT done on children under 12, does not mean that when I am most vulnerable, standing at that checkpoint at TSA's every whim, they will not demand of me that my children 8 and under undergo pat downs. Because I have little faith in TSA, I have been looking for the "rules" to print out. If you go to the official Government TSA site, you will not find written ANYWHERE, the age at which children can and can not undergo pat downs. So in the meantime, I am printing out EVERY article related to John Pistole's quote "children under 12 will not be pat down". Because I can not bear to watch my children being fondled by strange adults.

I hope to G-d that come January the TSA will learn that no matter how they try to thwart terrorism, the terrorists will be one step ahead of us.

Because neither the VIRTUAL strip search machines, nor the pat downs can reveal any weapons hidden in .... ahem, ahem .... cavities (not the teeth kind), it's only a matter of time that a terrorist loads his "whooha" with ammunition, and incendiary devices and then ....

security check at the airport will get a whole lot more fun ....

"Ladies to the left, men to the right, step through the machine please, drop trou and bendover..."

Pretty much we are all getting F*$#@& anyway - so may as well.

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Welcome to the "OVERLY FRIENDLY skies"!!!

4 have shown Orah a little love:

Anonymous said...

What exactly is revealed on the x-ray machine thingies? Cuz, its sounding a bit more enticing at this point!! But, really, I have been pat down before and they do it really quick and they didnt touch any of my goods. Wouldn't want them touching my kids tho. Thats creepy.
Good luck with all of this!

Hey, didnt they pat us down at the Maroon 5 concert??
- Miss S.

Orah said...

SK - these are not your frail old pappa's "pat downs". They have a new pat down policy that requires them to actually feel all around the breast area with the palms and fingers (they used to use the back of the hand). They also now creep all the way up into oblivion. They even ask pant wearers to hike it up so that the crotch is just beneath the fabric and they go to town. Plenty of people have been videotaping the experience.

Anonymous said...

We flew last week and my 13-year old daughter was patted down in front of everyone in security. Passengers, agents, etc.. She was not taken to a room for privacy. We hadn't flown since the summer, so I expected a wand when the the agent pulled her to the side. I was horrified when I saw her patting down my daughter, in full view of everyone. At least she was wearing leggings so the agent didn't go around her crotch. The agent told me twice to go and get our things off the conveyor belt, but I was not about to go anywhere while she was fondling my kid. She didn't like that, and I think she shortened the search because she saw me standing there watching her every move with the back of her hand. My daughter didn't seem as rattled as me. Maybe I know too much about creeps out there. said...

I know that this would be a great post :) and you did not dissappoint :)

I am in agreement with you on this subject.

Especially when it comes to the kids.

They can feel me up all they want...but keep you damn hands off of my kids!