Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I Have The Right To Remain Silent (but then I would have no post)


By reading ahead you may unwillingly become an accessory to a crime.

I am officially a delinquent. And I have taken my husband down with me.

I am a miscreant,
law breaker.

I am ashamed to admit that I have contributed to the pervasiveness of some criminal activity.

But even worse, I have no regrets.

Two Saturday nights ago, my husband generously offered to take me out. We were considering many options, but by the time we actually made it out of the house, many of those options had become obsolete. So we settled on seeing a movie.

I wanted to see the action packed manly movie "Law Abiding Citizen", but my overworked, stressed out hubby wanted something lighter and amusing. Only, there were no comedies that I really thought, appealing.

So I looked through the newspaper and told him of the few comedies that were playing and then he said,
"I would see "Motherhood".


I want to see Gerard Butler kick the faulty judicial process in the A$$ and Hun wants to see Uma Thurman kvetch about life as a mother.

If my husband has FORGOTTEN what it looks like when a woman kvetches about her motherly duties, then we REALLY have not been spending enough time together. Thank G-d for date night.

So I agreed to see it .... with a warning.

There would be a Q & A session at the end, a discussion if you will. Hun would have to share his thoughts as the movies depiction of "Motherhood" relates to his real life placement married to a woman who is, well, a Mother.

Of course, I was totally joking. But Hun was agreeable. I think he would have written me a 500 word essay critique on the movie had I asked him. He was obviously in a work coma, and was not digesting anything I was saying anyway. He just wanted to see a movie that he did not have to put much thought into.

And with that, we were off.

Before the movie started, we had time to go to a near by "Barnes and Nobles" where I got a much needed Venti fix of caffeine at "Starbucks" and Hun purchased some sought after "Political" magazines. (NO, that is not a euphemism for some sort of dirty magazine, they WERE actually Political Magazines.)

Then, back to the theater...

So for two hours I sat there and pretty much watched my life unfold right before my eyes. I mean, I seriously could have stared at myself in a mirror for two hours and would have seen the same sacrifices, stress, frustration, commitment, joy, pride... Uma's character was even a "Mommy" blogger. Her blogging was pretty much the main premise. Hun laughed when Uma kept calling her husband on his cell phone and he would never answer.
Why is that funny to him? It is so NOT funny when it happens in MY life.

When the movie was finished, I sort of felt as if I had never left my home that evening. It was not satisfying to me. There was no new wisdom to be had from that movie.

Hun grabbed his bag of highly entertaining Political magazines and we left the theater, and I still wanted my date night.

I looked ahead of me, and asked Hun,
"What time is it"?

"It's 10:50, why"?

"Great, perfect, let's go".

"Go where"?

"Right there, started at 10:40".

Next thing you know, we went from theater 11 to theater 13 and just in time (missed previews) for "Law Abiding Citizen".

At first we sat down in one of the head craning front row seats because, even I did not think I would stay the entire time. Certainly, Hun would never...

After two minutes of a most disturbing opening scene, we were riveted. And we were also disturbed by the cricks in our necks, so we decided to move up to locate better seats. But this was not your "Motherhood" for a few lame couples, this place was packed.

I found a row, one guy sitting at the aisle, an empty seat, a couple and another empty seat. So I kindly asked the couple if they wouldn't mind moving down a seat so we can create two seats together. Then it occurred to me as we were entering the row, that I never asked the guy on the aisle if the seat next to him was actually occupied. But we all know the lonely guy who has to see the manly movie alone, and thus the seat was available.

At about 20 minutes into the movie, I had already forgotten about my wayward ways and my bad influence on Hun. (If you know my husband, he is as straight as an arrow. I would have loved to just send him into a 7/11 to shoplift a Hershey bar just for the sake of it, but I would have to settle for movie thievery.) But just as I was getting comfortable, I could see out of the corner of my left eye, a huge, burly usher with a flashlight walking up the aisle stairway towards my row.

Please pass my row
Please pass my row
Please pass my row

No such luck.

He stood exactly AT my row and his flashlight shone across my lap. I felt like the Gestapo had arrived and my heart was racing.

Do not make eye contact
Do not make eye contact
Do not make eye contact

I was sure there were security cameras all throughout that building that watched us as we made our nefarious walk out one theater into the next and the usher was trying desperately to identify the culprits in the dark. I was expecting that we would be taking a walk of shame any minute.

But after what felt like an eternity, although probably less than a minute, he turned and walked away.

And we sat, and watched the entire movie. This movie was, suspenseful, riveting, a roller coaster ride of thrills and spills, nothing like my life the movie "Motherhood".

And at the end, Hun remarked,
"That was better than I expected."


But I will tell ya something, Karma is a bitch.

It seems that while watching the movie, Hun's very desirable Political magazines went missing. We looked everywhere. In the original seats and the current seats, under and over, no where to be found.

I didn't lose anything though, so what does that mean?

So who is the "Law Abiding Citizen"?


And it felt soooo good.

4 have shown Orah a little love:

Melissa E. said...

Movie Hopping? I haven't done that in years. But my grandma told me that when she goes to Florida to visit my great aunt, they movie hop all the time. I guess they even take off their sweaters so they'll look a little different.

I'm not even sure if the movie people care too much. They figure if you stay longer, maybe you'll buy another $5 soda or $8 bag of popcorn.

Sometimes it is good to be a little naughty, especially if it didn't hurt anyone.

Anonymous said...

Oooooooh, your such the rebel, Ory!! You and Hun, a regular Bonnie and Clyde!!

- Miss S.

Heidi @ Tayterjaq's Rebels said...

You are so brave! I have always wanted to try that but never had the guts. Sorry about the missing magazines but at least you got to see the movie *you* wanted to watch. (note to not go see Motherhood) said...

Oh yeah, we are going to jail together! LOL!

You must know that I worked at a movie theater for my first job. I stalked people like you for a living :)

Thanks for the laughs.