Anyone Have A Project For Me?

Since the end of August I had been rehearsing for a play. Last week we completed all four of our performances.

I am currently training for another half marathon. This one includes requesting contributions for an organization that provides services to unwell children and their families.

Two nights ago, 3 ladies and I went sledding at 10 pm at night sans CHILDREN. We were probably wearing a collective, 80 layers of clothing amongst us as it was single digit temperatures.

I have been contemplating the idea of hiking the Grand Canyon - 10 mile hike, to one of the most beautiful waterfalls on the face of the earth.


I am preparing for a trip to LA in the beginning of January that requires searching for clothing that looks as if it costs a few hundred (or thousands) when in reality it was purchased for nada. That is what happens when you go to a VERY wealthy relative's wedding. (Trust me, this takes much effort on my part).

I am working on my memoirs........










Okay - I totally made that last one up.

What is wrong with me? Have I become a "Desperate Housewife"?

As soon as I complete a project, I am searching for another.

I need a nap.

How To Turn The Tables On A TSA Pat Down

Well I obviously don't want to leave you all with that last post for too long because it's just way to indicative of the poor, pathetic Orah.

And I am not sure how it was received because, frankly, not one of you who read it left a comment.


So, moving on.....


How about our very "FRIENDLY" TSA agents???

I was starting to worry that we were becoming a populace too unfriendly and hands off.

I'm so happy to see we are opening up to the idea of becoming touchy/feely all over again.


And it's great to see that terrorism has not taken from us the one thing they were trying to ...


duh,



OUR FREEDOM.


Because at least, the TSA agents feel very free to touch our "junk" and fondle our "ta-tas".


The fact that I can now always feel FREE to say, while traveling by air,
"Excuse me, but would you mind, while you're up there, scratching my left ovary, kinda itching..."

is so something I never expected to say awesome.


I feel liberated.....



and FREE.




If you don't know what I am talking about (oh yeah, I have been watching/reading SOME news again - but only the kind that amuses me) the very INTIMATE pat down procedure via TSA has become extremely apparent as both flight crew and passengers are making a point of being vocal about it.


In the meantime, my heart palpitations and anxiety have begun as I am due to travel in early January as well as at the end of January via air.


Not everyone has to expose themselves to the extremely affectionate pat downs.

Nope - those pat downs are only for the people who "opt-out" of EXPOSING their "junk" and "ta-tas" in all its purely formed glory to the TSA agents holed up with readily available imaging in some room down the hall by refusing to stand in one of the strip search machines body scanning machines.

I already know I am going to be an "opt-out".

1. I don't trust the TSA when they say "no images will be recorded" (it actually has already happened)

2. I don't trust the TSA when they say "it's minimal x-ray and not hazardous to health"
(bullshit)

3. I DON'T TRUST THE TSA!!!

I am sure I will not find a too close for comfort, pat down to be a necessary replacement for the "booty baring machine", nor will I find it comfortable. But I figure I could make it more uncomfortable for the TSA agent (same gender) if I begin to groan pleasantly in a "very familiar" way.

I may add to that with a little
"ooh - right there ... that's it...."


Or I may throw out a line like,
You may want to wash your hand now and get some shots, there are not ENOUGH gloves for your hand to keep you from getting what I got...."

just to shake things up a bit.

If the aforementioned ideas of mine make you uncomfortable just reading it, imagine how the TSA agent will feel.

I mean, why should I be the only one who is going to feel uncomfortable.


But what really began to scare me was the idea that they could pat down my child. This makes my stomach turn.

We lock up any random adult for touching a child even more minimally than TSA would, so how could we allow such grossly intimate pat downs of a child.

They have been doing pat downs of children thus far.

TSA Screener Accosts 3 Year Old Child at Security Checkpoint

Oh - don't bother clicking on that. Youtube had to remove the video because some "Tribune" copyrighted it.

But I saw the footage today and this child was screaming, "don't touch me, don't touch me, I don't want them touching me..." and her mother just stood there helpless.

This child can be traumatized for life just as any child who undergoes uninvited "touch" typically becomes.

TSA administrator, John Pistole was interviewed on the Today Show defending TSA's screening practices and touting their "sensitivity" to passengers during pat downs.

He also said that TSA will no longer be doing pat downs on children under 12.

A) Where the hell did he get the number 12 from. Did someone pull it out his ass during his recent cavity search? My understanding is that anyone under the age of 18 is a minor in any other wretched circumstance. If someone molests anyone under the age of 18 it is considered "an offense against a MINOR" Oh - and the best time to decide to start pat downs on non-adults, is probably just around the time they are going through puberty. Because that is when they are MOST secure about their bodies and they want to share it's development with strange TSA agents.

B) As I already mentioned, I DO NOT TRUST TSA!!! Just because it is on record that TSA administrator, John Pistole said pat downs are NOT done on children under 12, does not mean that when I am most vulnerable, standing at that checkpoint at TSA's every whim, they will not demand of me that my children 8 and under undergo pat downs. Because I have little faith in TSA, I have been looking for the "rules" to print out. If you go to the official Government TSA site, you will not find written ANYWHERE, the age at which children can and can not undergo pat downs. So in the meantime, I am printing out EVERY article related to John Pistole's quote "children under 12 will not be pat down". Because I can not bear to watch my children being fondled by strange adults.

I hope to G-d that come January the TSA will learn that no matter how they try to thwart terrorism, the terrorists will be one step ahead of us.

Because neither the VIRTUAL strip search machines, nor the pat downs can reveal any weapons hidden in .... ahem, ahem .... cavities (not the teeth kind), it's only a matter of time that a terrorist loads his "whooha" with ammunition, and incendiary devices and then ....

security check at the airport will get a whole lot more fun ....

"Ladies to the left, men to the right, step through the machine please, drop trou and bendover..."


Pretty much we are all getting F*$#@& anyway - so may as well.


Ladies and Gentlemen -

Welcome to the "OVERLY FRIENDLY skies"!!!

What Tears Do To A Computer

Ok. I'm gonna write one. But you probably won't like it and won't ever come back to visit. It's not going to be a fun one.

Why have I not been writing???

I've been depressed.

Before you get yourselves all worried over me (because I'm sure you all spend every waking moment thinking of only ME...) I will have you know that I am NOT clinically depressed.

I'm not on any medication or seeking any therapy. I'm fully aware of when I go through a funk. My creativity gets swallowed up by clouds of endless emotion. This is what happens when you are a person with an overwhelming sensitive soul.

In addition to my sensitive soul, I make matters worse by being a person so complacent over worldly events. Once I hear a bit of bad news, whether it's generic to the world's population or hits extremely close to home, it eats away at me and eats away at me and eats away at me until I am like a wet noodle - STUCK to whatever is thrown my way.

I have been trying to curb my usual addiction to news and media, via periodicals, TV or Internet, so believe it or not, I have been "logged on" a bit less lately.

But I apparently have to surrender, much to my reproach, to the news that comes my way via my own community.

Too many people sick and dying.

What else is new?

What's so different this time?

It's hitting close to home.

My parents are losing friends which has me facing certain realities that I am not ready, and frankly, too afraid to face.

My husband has an extremely sick aunt. She is currently in a "good" place. It's "good" because instead of dying with cancer, she is currently living with cancer.

GOOD!

HA!

My mother-in-law (G-d bless her, and I love her immensely) has practically given her life to taking care of said, sick aunt, (who lives in another state)while continuously caring for a handicapped child who is 23 and totally capable of learning independence, when she should be spending these formative years traveling with her husband, visiting grandchildren in other states and countries, and frankly, anyway that suits her dreams and interests.

This aunt, by the way, is only in her early 40's and had her seventh child just a few months before my Bam was born. But her own parents live in her neighborhood. And so my MIL claims she is really there for her brother (the cancer stricken aunt's husband). My MIL returned home last week supposedly for good. But then ran back out there because her handicapped son who is supposedly learning independence, came down with the flu. Who is going to take care of my brother-in-law when my MIL no longer can?

Don't think I have not been thinking about the answer to that question. That is all I have been thinking about amongst other equally worthwhile hypothetical situations that (hopefully no time soon) will one day become quite apparent in my family circle.

In the meantime, it certainly doesn't help that my own husband has a recent diagnosis of "something" that is exacerbated by stress, and flare ups can be thwarted by exercise.

Uh, allow me to introduce you to my workaholic of a husband.... Stress is what happens when you are spread so thin because you are really working the job of six people. The irony is, if he had those six people, that is when he would actually have time to STOP and hire six people. And if he had the time to SLEEP, he might actually have the time to exercise.

So the fact that the Doctor told us that my husband is at higher risk for a certain cancer because of his recent diagnosis, that doesn't at all throw another wrench into my already existing state of bliss and calm.

All I can do is



BREATHE


RUN


PRAY


CRY


And the damn tears keep shorting out my computer.

So who could blog without a computer?

Hiring Out!

Anyone want a really cute 16 month old to come over and reorganize their pantry???

I have someone for you.

You can pay him in etzels, ackus, or oockies.

But don't forget to read the fine print.








We who employ said 16 month old child are cleared of all responsibilities related to incomplete jobs and food items scattered around your house, etc ... etc ... etc...












Please contact us through the comment section.

Because I Need To Blog SOMETHING

I had a bizarre dream last night...


Oprah Winfrey had an audience full of women suffering infertility and at the end of an hour long tear jerkier of a show she had a surprise...


"LOOK UNDER YOUR SEATS .... YOU GET A BABY ...... AND YOU GET A BABY ..... AND YOU GET A BABY....



EVERYONE GETS TO TAKE HOME A BAAAAAAAAAYBEEEEEEEEE"


I woke up in a cold sweat. I can't believe Oprah is giving away babies.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Ro is quite shrewd. She somehow managed to come home from school with money that she did not have when she left to school.

She was showing off her conquest to So in the evening and placed her dollars and coins on the kitchen table.

Ro turned away for a few moments and when she looked back she was uncertain if her collection of money was still the same value it was moments ago.

Ro - "So, did you take a dollar from me?"

So - "No."

Ro - "Are you sure?"

So - "Yes!"

Ro - (with a conniving look on her face)
"Do you want to give me a dollar anyway ....... just in case?"

Kids HEAR & REPEAT The Darndest Things

I am not kidding when I tell you that the following conversation took place as I was putting So and Ro to bed.



Me - Goodnight.



So - Mommy, I really don't find this pillow comfortable because when I put my head on it my head sinks all the way down like it's just laying on the bed and like there is no pillow at all.



Me - That is why you have another pillow with a sham on your bed. Put the sham covered pillow underneath and then it won't feel so flat.



So - Or Mommy, you could buy that special pillow that never gets flat and has a special space in the middle for your head and it remembers your shape.



Me - (dumbfounded) So, those pillows are very expensive.



So - No they aren't, just 19.99.




And for the special limited time, TV offer it's 17.99




And if you call and order in the next 10 minutes they will throw in another pillow free






That's a 40 dollar value for just 17.99 Mommy.










Me - with this look on my face -













SERIOUSLY!!!!




When did PBS and Sprout become more like the QVC and Home Shopping Network??




I mean, they still are ONLY watching PBS and Sprout ....




RIGHT?

Happy New Year - Jewish Style

I have not been back to blog. I am mostly still waiting for Ate to go back to school which happens Monday. But I have also been sick for 3 weeks and I wasn't getting better.

I started having pain on the left side of my face and figured it's probably a sinus infection.

I just started me some anti bi otics...

And I will spare you what is now, FINALLY, draining from my sinus passages.

At least I can nix that Dentist appointment (which would have been my next try due to the tooth pain, which was really sinus pain).

Green is sooooo NOT my favorite color.


Tonight is Rosh Hashana - the Jewish New Year.

Time to pray and reflect....

as much as I can in between nose blowing and tissue reaching and


ATE!!!!

Monday .... just around the corner, just around the corner, just around the....


Sorry, tissue reaching and nose blowing...


Happy New Year to my Jewish friends and Sweet Wednesday to all my other friends.